Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
