You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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