They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
