My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Panties = found
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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