yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
