What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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