are you so shy because you have an std?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
