He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
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