In the future we'll all be gay
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
