Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
