The maid of honor just puked.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
