Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
