Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
