So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
