I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
