So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
