Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
