Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
