you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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