so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
