oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize