AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
