Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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