he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
