shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
