just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize