I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
