I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
