Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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