I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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