I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
