Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
