I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
