I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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