Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
