Banned from zoo.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.