this beer tastes like vomit already
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
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i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
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the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found