I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
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legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
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Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it