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• (818): View more from California

  We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.

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• (551): View more from New Jersey

  i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me

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  These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?

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• (941): View more from Florida

  sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single

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• (251): View more from Alabama

  He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.

  (1-251): View more from Alabama

  Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.

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• (714): View more from California

  I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?

  (949): View more from California

  Midgetier?

  (714): View more from California

  Smaller, yet meaner.

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• (+64): View more from New Zealand

  He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!

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  21 People That Are Skilled At Illegal Activities

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.

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• (831): View more from California

  sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing

  (408): View more from California

  it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now

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• (585): View more from New York

  I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.

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