Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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