She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.