My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.