Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
