I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
