Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
