i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I am puke
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
