My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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