my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
