So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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