last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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