we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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