Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
the condom got lost in my hair
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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