You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
