My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
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Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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