I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
