Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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