Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
