I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
