Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
