i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
