I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
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i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
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Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
the raccoons are back...
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