ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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