I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
