im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
