mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
