I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
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