I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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