The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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