he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
