I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
