the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
