remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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