Apparently you make a good broom.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
