He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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