So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just saw a hot homeless man
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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