i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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