It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
