I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
