then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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