Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
