the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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