Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
