I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize