someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
