The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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